It's my birthday. I'm 50 today
Things I have accomplished:
I have had fifty cars. In fact, I have even had fifty each, of several brands of car.
I have had fifty, fifty dollar dinners
I have loaned several people fifty bucks
I have mowed fifty lawns, and in order to grow the most recent lawn, I spread fifty truckloads of topsoil as a bed for the fifty bags of seed and fertilizer and lime.
I have made the kid do his chores fifty times
I have seen my sound equipment play in fifty of the largest concert arenas in the country
I have spoken to fifty troubled kids and hopefully provided some encouragement
I have visited Holyoke, Massachusetts – the gateway to Chicopee – fifty times
I have made friends with fifty people
In the first eight hours of my birthday, I received fifty spam emails offering sex aids, Russian girls, and money from Nigeria
Things I have partly accomplished:
I have fifty thousand dollars, but I do not have fifty million dollars
I have induced fifty people to place advance orders for my book, but I have not actually completed any sales
My subjects, Martha and Cubby, have obeyed my commands fifty times, but they still fail to recognize me as their King who must be obeyed
I have gone on fifty boat rides, but I have not gone on fifty ship voyages
I have written fifty magazine articles, but I have not written fifty books
Things I have not done:
I have not had fifty dogs
I have not had fifty cats
I have not lived in fifty places
I have not gone to fifty parties
I have not been to fifty states, or fifty countries
I have not had fifty girlfriends, nor am I anywhere close to fifty wives
I have not spent fifty days in any prison or jail
I have not been to fifty pig races, or fifty NASCAR races
Woof
I have had fifty cars. In fact, I have even had fifty each, of several brands of car.
I have had fifty, fifty dollar dinners
I have loaned several people fifty bucks
I have mowed fifty lawns, and in order to grow the most recent lawn, I spread fifty truckloads of topsoil as a bed for the fifty bags of seed and fertilizer and lime.
I have made the kid do his chores fifty times
I have seen my sound equipment play in fifty of the largest concert arenas in the country
I have spoken to fifty troubled kids and hopefully provided some encouragement
I have visited Holyoke, Massachusetts – the gateway to Chicopee – fifty times
I have made friends with fifty people
In the first eight hours of my birthday, I received fifty spam emails offering sex aids, Russian girls, and money from Nigeria
Things I have partly accomplished:
I have fifty thousand dollars, but I do not have fifty million dollars
I have induced fifty people to place advance orders for my book, but I have not actually completed any sales
My subjects, Martha and Cubby, have obeyed my commands fifty times, but they still fail to recognize me as their King who must be obeyed
I have gone on fifty boat rides, but I have not gone on fifty ship voyages
I have written fifty magazine articles, but I have not written fifty books
Things I have not done:
I have not had fifty dogs
I have not had fifty cats
I have not lived in fifty places
I have not gone to fifty parties
I have not been to fifty states, or fifty countries
I have not had fifty girlfriends, nor am I anywhere close to fifty wives
I have not spent fifty days in any prison or jail
I have not been to fifty pig races, or fifty NASCAR races
Woof
Comments
Maybe if I ask her nicely fifty times?
Happy 50!
When you're on tour with your book, perhaps 50 of us could gather and sing you Happy Birthday...
Are you coming to Greater Boston? (hint, hint) I can start planning now...
Woof, fifty times.
(raises glass of wine to John. OK, bowl of fresh fruit.)
I'd say it 50 times, but I don't want to fill up your comments section!
May your book sell fifty thousand copies in its first week.:)
What happened to this tradition?
Now consider yourself spanked 50 +1 times!
LONG LIVE THE KING!
You can watch fifty sunsets before you're fifty-one.
Birthdays are hard for me - in fact, there will be a chapter on hard holidays in my next book - and I'm afraid I sink into sadness by afternoon.
But I'm going to be fine tomorrow, and I'll write something else.
Kanani, hows your reading group doing with Look Me in the Eye?
And Trish - I sent you a note on my Boston appearances and I hope you'll come and bring all your friends.
And woof back at all of you!
Regarding your afternoon sadness: You're not alone. I like to call it low tide. I don't know if it's biological or simply the realization that another day is ending. Writers can be such a melancholy bunch.
Happy Belated, JOhn! I was celebrating my husband's 50th on Sunday and not blogging too much. Michelle came to the party! How cool to meet a blog buddy in person! But you and I already know that.
Happy x 50.
I find your book makes a really good wedge. So far I've used it as a door stop, trivet, barbecue fan, and thing to hold up to unwanted solicitors and say, "Away! Away! Or I shall throw the book of John at you!"
Okay, so maybe not. But yes, I have finished your book. I am waiting to see if the others get the hard copy in the mail before I comment.
They really hate spoilers.
And thinking of.... send me six more, I'll tape them together, attach them to a go-kart and make a spoiler.
xxx
Yer sis,
K
Synchronicity strikes again. Mari and I had stopped in a store and we just had to buy this special calendar for you (on Monday!).
Little did we know it was your birthday- how timely....
Also- Finally finished the piece I wrote for you. 'Are You Zippy'
I DID make it to 50 with your support, and welcome you joining me on this other side of midlife!
It ain't so bad. Certainly seems like some great things ahead for you.
Alison
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! hope it was wonderful!
by the way, i put in my pre-order for your book ages ago!! can't wait to get my hands on it.