tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post3799005340930009365..comments2024-03-28T09:19:51.567-04:00Comments on Look Me In The Eye: Are Siblings Really "Invisible Victims of Autism?"John Robisonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07407165016025447113noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-16647224091765892112018-04-20T08:13:57.885-04:002018-04-20T08:13:57.885-04:00I agree more with that article than with you. Many...I agree more with that article than with you. Many autistic people are incredibly violent and lack the social understanding to feel when someone else is in pain. My older sister would hit me until I was bruised, and touched my sister and I until I started defending myself.<br /><br /><br /> My mom would just say she was "QuIRkY" and wouldn't do anything about it. I kind of hate her for not protecting me from my sister more. my parents could have done something to keep me and my sister from being bullied and beaten our whole childhoods. <br /><br /><br /><br />So yeah, we can victims. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17295938381973376848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-68217376945372339952017-04-18T22:10:26.441-04:002017-04-18T22:10:26.441-04:00You know what, yeah, we can be the invisible victi...You know what, yeah, we can be the invisible victims. I remember being bit until i bled. Scratched on a daily basis. Had to eat holiday meals under the table because I would get bit or hit at any moment. I remember not being able to have friends over or being able to leave the house. Fear was a constant. Scars were a constant. But I can't blame anyone. My mother did the best she could. My brother was "special" so I couldn't blame him. I just had to take it, live with the fear. Then I had to live with the guilt when he went away because the adults finally made a hard choice. But it didn't end there. I had to give up weekends to see him, and get hit. I had to drag him screaming out of stores, keep him from jumping from moving cars, protect my mom while she was driving. This could go on and on.<br /><br />So yeah, we can be the invisible victims. AC4Ohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06294159166448642591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-84789221092409889192016-01-09T02:35:49.459-05:002016-01-09T02:35:49.459-05:00Some autistics do victimize people. They may not ...Some autistics do victimize people. They may not see it that way, but whether or not they intend to hurt others, they do. Just like you don't want to lump human beings into some demonizing category, don't lump them all together as harmless. They are people, and people cause harm to each other as often as they help. Autistics are less equipped to be helpful in our society than some, and their brothers and sisters often wind up in difficult positions simply from being in the same family.<br /><br />Being the sibling of someone on the autism spectrum, I could relate much more with the Time article than what you were saying here.Scratchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05922763711758025854noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-57979538792514644762015-04-07T23:43:25.308-04:002015-04-07T23:43:25.308-04:00Although it may not come across this way, and I di...Although it may not come across this way, and I didn't read it that way at first either, let's give her the benefit of the doubt that going by the article's title, literally, she blames autism rather than its bearers. It's just slightly thoughtless. Maybe autism is contagious after all.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00960946859707539518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-48124019681277876292012-12-05T13:07:59.624-05:002012-12-05T13:07:59.624-05:00I appreciate your honesty. Thank you for sharing....I appreciate your honesty. Thank you for sharing. Blessings.Just Be Realhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15815210059310140144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-28830953493953544882012-12-03T14:06:19.551-05:002012-12-03T14:06:19.551-05:00Amen, John. I was deeply disturbed by the tone if ...Amen, John. I was deeply disturbed by the tone if the article, starting with the awful title. Yes, autism and all that it brings can be challenging to siblings. But so too the benefit of a life lived fully, with an understanding of, compassion for and an appreciation of the richness and depth of variety on the human spectrum is an immeasurable gift. But unfortunately those positives were relegated to the status of afterthoughts - shoved into an add-on paragraph long after the damage had been done. jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12741476791827870513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-3901435366366883542012-12-03T13:52:54.039-05:002012-12-03T13:52:54.039-05:00I didn't interpret the article the same way. I...I didn't interpret the article the same way. I agree with your previous commenter who suggested that the author intended to say the family are all victims of autism, not the person with autism.<br /><br />I want to add that I consider my non-Aspie daughter and son to be victims of autism in a different way than =my Aspie son. My two other children (all grown now) learned a lot about walking in another person's shoes living with their unconventional brother and in no way were they his victims -- they still have a great relationship now and there are no lingering resentments that I can see. My Aspie son is a low-communicator (he thinks "Yes, I am" is too wordy :-), but everyone in our family knows that when he does decide it is worthwhile to join the conversation, his contribution is likely to be insightful, droll, or flat out funny. <br /><br />The funny thing is, that as I read your words I rejected the person with Aspergers as a victim, but I went to a more personalized victimizer -- myself. My non-Aspie children got so much less of my time and attention than they would have otherwise if I had not been hyperfocused on how to make sure my Aspie son learned the necessary coping skills to create a happy and fulfilling life for himself when he grew up.<br /><br />If there was any human victimizer, it would have been me, the mom, who really did focus less on my other children's problems and struggles to fit in and figure out their lives. Which may be why I prefer to believe the interpretation that makes autism itself the victimizer.<br /><br />Saying the person with autism was a victimizer would be like saying the person with cancer was victimizing the family. Absurd from every angle.<br /><br />And thank you for being such a great voice for people with autism.Kelly McClymerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04038223302234193266noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-9063096962150213472012-12-03T12:34:18.675-05:002012-12-03T12:34:18.675-05:00You have great points; did i miss you comment on t...You have great points; did i miss you comment on the article? The author seems to be considering current children with autism and sib's; i wonder if she thinks adults with autism all continue to be like my son, whose language comprehension very limited. Valerie wondersandmarvels-wonderfull.blogspot.com Valeriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10899094765497997431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-27122859937667645802012-12-03T09:50:53.953-05:002012-12-03T09:50:53.953-05:00I didn't read the article, and i don't mea...I didn't read the article, and i don't mean to always be so pedantic and tiresome :-), but how do you go about recognizing that someone is a victim if they are invisible. Just asking. The author probably wrote in haste and the editor did not give enough time to his job. Forsythiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11842925744413303224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-23577298609796583312012-12-03T09:02:51.780-05:002012-12-03T09:02:51.780-05:00John: I must admit I felt a little weird reading t...John: I must admit I felt a little weird reading that article. I'm an only child...mostly. From 12 years old until age 18 my mother and I lived with my aunt, uncle, and their two sons. I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's until age 34, but I'm inclined to speculate that if I had been diagnosed in high school my aunt/uncle/cousins would have considered themselves "victims" of my Asperger's. I was considered the "weird one", was accused of acting abnormal on purpose, and was constantly badgered to be "normal". I also suffered physical and emotional abuse because of this.<br /><br />Is autism an easy thing on the family? No. Heck, autism isn't an easy thing for US. I do, however, think that the author needs to understand that a) there may be autistic people reading that article, b) we do understand what is being said about us, often under the assumption that we *don't* hear or understand, and c) framing autism in the manner that she does isn't going to help the general public understand it any better. And I'm not saying that everyone will blame us for the pain and suffering, but some still might due to the tone of that article and others like it.<br /><br />-NicoleRaven's Wing Poetryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08576438868694047958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-85185055378547188772012-12-03T08:12:28.809-05:002012-12-03T08:12:28.809-05:00Thanks for your post! I really think that my Aspi...Thanks for your post! I really think that my Aspie's siblings will be very compassionate adults after growing up with their brother. They will probably have a deep rooted compassion for anyone who is affected by an illness or disability. I pray that being the siblings of an Aspie will make them better, not bitter. Definitely no victims in our house!Shelly @ Homeschooling With No Regretshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07568607202571849510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-71386639999590220492012-12-02T18:54:23.326-05:002012-12-02T18:54:23.326-05:00Well put, John. Did the author not think about the...Well put, John. Did the author not think about the autistic people who would read this? Are 1 in 88 people and their families not deserving of dignity? The challenges are real enough; we don't need inconsiderate journalism. I loved this sibling's speech about her autistic brothers - perhaps you have seen it already, but here is the link: http://www.ted.com/talks/faith_jegede_what_i_ve_learned_from_my_autistic_brothers.html?utm_source=newsletter_weekly_2012-11-02&utm_campaign=newsletter_weekly&utm_medium=emailZazouhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01584857400009339772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-88349555040886560842012-12-02T17:32:39.027-05:002012-12-02T17:32:39.027-05:00Check out the grammar mistake in the second senten...Check out the grammar mistake in the second sentence in the article. No qualified proofreaders on the staff? Budgets must be tight!Rodmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02206463395485947938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-10139866991742704602012-12-02T16:58:14.421-05:002012-12-02T16:58:14.421-05:00Toni, it may well be that the author intended it t...Toni, it may well be that the author intended it that way. But as an autistic person, that is not how it felt to me, reading it. Thanks for your thoughtsJohn Robisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07407165016025447113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-74128473973480817852012-12-02T14:21:27.250-05:002012-12-02T14:21:27.250-05:00I think that the victimizer is Autism itself in th...I think that the victimizer is Autism itself in this scenario. Not those affected by it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05884323211486442918noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5751271189667675662.post-67113246947599672962012-12-02T12:30:52.321-05:002012-12-02T12:30:52.321-05:00I think it is in the way you see your life, the ey...I think it is in the way you see your life, the eyes through which the world appears. When I saw my son as "the other", I suffered continuously. <br /><br />Evil, victimizing autistics. Me thinks it might be "transference".<br /><br />We really, really need to change the way we look at autism. As long as "normal" is celebrated and autism demonized...I don't think we are going to get anywhere.Usethebrains Godgiveyouhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05026223483117357541noreply@blogger.com