More changes to the Look Me in the Eye paperback
The biggest change of all was driven by the kids, moms and teachers in the audience . . . and it caused me to rewrite a significant fraction of the book . . .
I wrote Look Me in the Eye as an adult, and I imagined my readers would be adults, too. The language I used in the book was the language of the places I found myself, twenty or thirty years ago. Back then, I was in some edgy places, with some rough people. And the dialogue reflects that.
I know some of you have spent time in jail, or in the company of outlaw bikers or pool hustlers, pimps, crack dealers, or other lowlifes. You (those in that select group) are no doubt familiar with every term found in my hardcover book, and then some. But to my surprise, a significant fraction of the moms and teachers in this country do not have experience with those environments.
Many readers apparently accepted the dialogue for what it was, but some of you commented. And I listened to what you had to say, and I tried to sort out and analyze your comments. I thought, I’ll keep track of the comments by groups.
This is how I categorized your comments:
1-Son of a bitch! I love it when you swear!
2-Your mother should have washed your mouth out with soap talking like that!
3-I have no comment on your language, but I have to tell you what I thought about xxxxx
4-Greeting, Kind Sir. My late husband was Minister of Agriculture in Nigeria and he was killed . . .
After a few months, the trend was obvious. Category 1 contained no responses. None. Zero. Category 2 contained a fair number, more than #4, the Nigerian Scam. Category 3 was the biggest of all, with 93% of correspondents falling into this group.
Some writers would look at those statistics and say, 93% of your readers don’t care about language. So forget it! You have more people trying to run a Nigerian Con on you than complaining about language!
But I thought about that. And I thought some more. I got the statistics on book sales, and I looked at how many comments I’d gotten. I realized that no more than 2% of my book buyers actually wrote me. And that presented an alarming dilemma.
There is no way to know what the other 98% think.
Perhaps I could lurk outside a bookstore, and catch some, and interrogate them.
Then I started talking to schools. By talking to schools, I mean, I went into schools and talked with teachers and students about Asperger’s, and being different, and growing up, and all that entails. I saw the teachers sharing my stories with eleven and twelve year old kids, and I had this realization . . .
I don’t want kids reading that kind of language from me. You don’t use words like that with kids.
The total absence of comments praising my profanity convinced me it probably didn’t add anything.
And meanwhile, more and more teachers gave my book to more and more kids, and moms did the same.
I thought something should be done. Many people disagreed, saying I was nuts to contemplate changes. My editor said, It’s a bestseller just as it is! No one does that! I posted the dilemma on the Backspace and Absolute Write writer’s forums, and 100+ comments came in, most of which said, “Those are your words. Leave them alone!”
But I have always made my own way. I kept thinking of those kids with my book, and I resolved to change the book for them. I rewrote fifty pages of dialogue, and removed all the profanity. I didn’t change any stories. I just removed the swears. It reads just like it did before, only now, my grandmother would not wash my mouth out with soap if I read it to her.
And yes, that really happened, back in Georgia.
So now, I am proud to say, you can give the paperback Look Me in the Eye to your pre-teen or the kids in your class and there is no bad language in there. Nothing to make you cringe. There are still some bad stories, and some tough times, but real life is like that.
You grownup readers are still going to get exactly the same messages from the book. The absence of shits and damns won’t change the essence of my growing up and making my way, or how I think. And if you disagree, Crown is keeping the hardcover in print, so you can still buy the book in its original profane glory.
I realized I don’t need profanity to tell a story. The story is built upon my thoughts and actions and experiences and feelings . . . and profanity is not an essential part of that. Some of you (plenty of you, and me too) still swear some in real life, but a book like this is better off without it. I am convinced of that.
Time will tell if I made the right decision here. I think I did. What do you think?
I wrote Look Me in the Eye as an adult, and I imagined my readers would be adults, too. The language I used in the book was the language of the places I found myself, twenty or thirty years ago. Back then, I was in some edgy places, with some rough people. And the dialogue reflects that.
I know some of you have spent time in jail, or in the company of outlaw bikers or pool hustlers, pimps, crack dealers, or other lowlifes. You (those in that select group) are no doubt familiar with every term found in my hardcover book, and then some. But to my surprise, a significant fraction of the moms and teachers in this country do not have experience with those environments.
Many readers apparently accepted the dialogue for what it was, but some of you commented. And I listened to what you had to say, and I tried to sort out and analyze your comments. I thought, I’ll keep track of the comments by groups.
This is how I categorized your comments:
1-Son of a bitch! I love it when you swear!
2-Your mother should have washed your mouth out with soap talking like that!
3-I have no comment on your language, but I have to tell you what I thought about xxxxx
4-Greeting, Kind Sir. My late husband was Minister of Agriculture in Nigeria and he was killed . . .
After a few months, the trend was obvious. Category 1 contained no responses. None. Zero. Category 2 contained a fair number, more than #4, the Nigerian Scam. Category 3 was the biggest of all, with 93% of correspondents falling into this group.
Some writers would look at those statistics and say, 93% of your readers don’t care about language. So forget it! You have more people trying to run a Nigerian Con on you than complaining about language!
But I thought about that. And I thought some more. I got the statistics on book sales, and I looked at how many comments I’d gotten. I realized that no more than 2% of my book buyers actually wrote me. And that presented an alarming dilemma.
There is no way to know what the other 98% think.
Perhaps I could lurk outside a bookstore, and catch some, and interrogate them.
Then I started talking to schools. By talking to schools, I mean, I went into schools and talked with teachers and students about Asperger’s, and being different, and growing up, and all that entails. I saw the teachers sharing my stories with eleven and twelve year old kids, and I had this realization . . .
I don’t want kids reading that kind of language from me. You don’t use words like that with kids.
The total absence of comments praising my profanity convinced me it probably didn’t add anything.
And meanwhile, more and more teachers gave my book to more and more kids, and moms did the same.
I thought something should be done. Many people disagreed, saying I was nuts to contemplate changes. My editor said, It’s a bestseller just as it is! No one does that! I posted the dilemma on the Backspace and Absolute Write writer’s forums, and 100+ comments came in, most of which said, “Those are your words. Leave them alone!”
But I have always made my own way. I kept thinking of those kids with my book, and I resolved to change the book for them. I rewrote fifty pages of dialogue, and removed all the profanity. I didn’t change any stories. I just removed the swears. It reads just like it did before, only now, my grandmother would not wash my mouth out with soap if I read it to her.
And yes, that really happened, back in Georgia.
So now, I am proud to say, you can give the paperback Look Me in the Eye to your pre-teen or the kids in your class and there is no bad language in there. Nothing to make you cringe. There are still some bad stories, and some tough times, but real life is like that.
You grownup readers are still going to get exactly the same messages from the book. The absence of shits and damns won’t change the essence of my growing up and making my way, or how I think. And if you disagree, Crown is keeping the hardcover in print, so you can still buy the book in its original profane glory.
I realized I don’t need profanity to tell a story. The story is built upon my thoughts and actions and experiences and feelings . . . and profanity is not an essential part of that. Some of you (plenty of you, and me too) still swear some in real life, but a book like this is better off without it. I am convinced of that.
Time will tell if I made the right decision here. I think I did. What do you think?
Comments
Karen in Denver
But what did you have to use in place of "Slave/Stupid"???? :)
Pass that soap, will you?
On the other hand, if the changes make the book accessible to more young readers, it is definitely the right move. It's interesting to read how your knowledge of your audience and the impact of your book has evolved through time. I love the fact that you're out there talking to people, continuing to share your stories and listening to theirs.
I appreciate your selflessness in releasing a revised edition. I am grateful that now my children can share your book too.
Your story remains intact, and is now more relevant to the world because it can be shared without worry. (Or whiteout.)
Go Mom!
Taking out the swearing won't necessarily detract from the effect of the story. I'm glad you stuck to your guns and released the paperback in a form most mothers will allow their kids to read. The more who get the message, the better.
I for one am glad I have the first edition. Someday I hope to have you sign it, if we ever meet. My sister in law who has an autistic son is borrowing it, and she'd better give it back!
Molly
And I agree . . . most 12 year olds have heard that stuff already.
But you know, no matter what they've heard about sex or drugs or whatever, the fact is, they will go farther in life if we as adults set a standard and help them clean up their language.
My son has a friend who just lost his job because he started swearing in front of a customer.
I guess that training starts at home, and it's reinforced by books like this and all manner of things in our culture. I guess I'd rather be on the side that helps our kids keep jobs, impress older people, etc. And teaching them to swear won't do that.
i had to laugh at the first blog i read, because the copy i read, handed down by my mom, had all the cuss words scribbled out!
I think it is prudent of you to do without them. I will buy a copy for my friend who is the principal of a school.
My boys heard many things from as early as kindergarten and first grade from kids in their school that lived in the projects. I told them if they didn't hear me say things like that they should never repeat them. It worked until my oldest went to middle school. They're a lot worse in middle school.
Now I tell them that I can't tell them how they should behave when they are off with their buddies but that they should never use that language when talking to adults or anywhere in public. So far I think that is working.
Anyway, in this day and age when some of the books we read in school are getting banned from some schools, I think it only helps you to expand your audience by exercising a bit of self censorship.
You wrote the book to help people understand Aspergians, and you will do a better job of that if your book gets a wider audience.
Sincerely
Carol P
Especially knowing that young aspergians struggle with simple rules such as when to use profanity, I think your course of action may be wise for a younger audience. But, please, keep the original version available!
Lynne Soraya
http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/aspergers-diary
You know, before reading your post, I would've thought that you should keep the words as they were. But I think you'll reach a larger audience with these new edits. I have to say personally, when I gave your book to my sister whose son is an Aspergian, I told her that he shouldn't read it because of the language (he's 12). But now, this is really going to be a good thing!!
Kudos to you for thinking ahead of the curve!!!
(Now, I'm going to buy your edited book.) Thanks!!
:-)
:)
I don't have a problem with preteens reading swear words (I also don't have any preteens of my own), but if it made you uncomfortable, then it's great that you changed it in spite of what others told you to do.
I think that was a smart marketing decision to clean up the paperback to appeal to a wider audience. I loved the rawness of the original hardcover version; but I must say that I was a little uncomfortable when my son listened to the audiotape...although he just giggled.
I'm glad I have the hardcover first edition to preserve your swears for my own pottymouth mind.
The profanity did not bother me, but I am glad to have a version that I feel more comfortable allowing my son to read. I know he will not read anything he hasn't heard before, but I believe you will become somewhat of a hero to him. He will identify with so many of your thoughts and feelings, and leaving the profanity out will help him focus on the story. Being an adolescent, he is intrigued by "Cuss words"!haha
Thank you for sharing your life with others...
As far as the cursing that goes on in your book...it didn't phase me at all. I am a teacher and..let me tell you, many of us curse like sailors.
However as far changing your book to make it socially appropriate for young readers...I can see where you are coming from. I would love for my older son to read this book, so that he could gain some perspective and understand his younger brother a bit more.
Hope to see you in Sept. in LA !
He is a good kid, but it is very difficult.
I will be buying a copy of your revised book.
I love this idea. As a mental health therapist and supervisor, I have shared your book with my staff and others. What I appreciate most about your story (I think) is that you begin sharing your feelings at such a young age--I LOVE the story about petting the girl in kindergarten with the truck. I can't TELL you how many people I've told that to!! It's such a sweet, painful glimpse of your life. (it just makes me want to PET you!!)
So the fact that you were willing to change your original manuscript to make it available to reach a younger and younger audience really touches me. Not everyone would be willing to do that. If you weren't willing to do that, I couldn't say it was the wrong decision, but the fact that you ARE willing...........well........ it just says a lot. (Gee, I'm really a WHIZ with words, aren't I?)
Thanks for making a difference, not just in the lives of Aspergians (love that term), but in the lives/experiences of those that attempt to treat them.
Linda in Okawville, Illinois
BTW....it's been a while since I read it, but I don't even recall the swearing in LMITE.
Now I'm pissed off that I didn't buy your revised book for my kids.
And I loved your response to Anti-wife's most recent post.
There. That's my .0000001%.
I strongly suggest the lurking, too. Perhaps an interview questionnaire prior to the selling of the book? An application to send in?
http://www.aspergerwomenassociation.com
The version with all its profane glory added a layer/dimension to your personality. We were given a more dynamic and organic character to form with in our (your readers') minds.
In other words, you were colourful.
On the other end of the spectrum, you did the right thing as you recognised that your book was being picked up by young teens/children, and with or without the profanities, they probably would not pick up on the subtleties; that is, I don't think it made a difference as to what dimension it may have added to your personality.
Besides, I guess, children should not be swearing, and I can see where you are coming from by making a decision to omit them.
Not to sound patronising, but you did the right thing, the first time and the second time, so don't worry too much!
P/S: I am 22 and I swear a lot; started a long time ago, but it shouldn't define who I am.
Thank you John.
Best wishes,
Jolene
Don't soften it all too much. You can't have bikers and whatnot speak like they are coming straight out of a Jane Austen book.
Just because someone does not use profanity doesn't mean it becomes a Jane Austen book. Its good to give an example to children that communication does not need the "F" word or other profanity. Its not a requirement to make a book interesting or a movie, to have profanity, to be interesting.
As a former college prof, art students who were not quite skilled often resort to shock tactics ,which 90% of the time, made their work weak and trite. Believe me, I have heard and seen it all and I am shock proof.
When we are feeling emotion, we really do not feel the "F' word.. Profanity is only one verbal outcry not what we feel. There are many other choices of words which are equal if not more appropo, to express a feeling, or thought. It takes a good artist whether by pen or paint brush to have such a mastery of their craft.
Profanity,itself, is NOT an emotion. I feel there are better and more interesting ways to describe our feelings , even bikers.. There is too much profanity in the movies as it is. It cheap and easy..that is why its used.
Children need a comfort zone to use their minds not knee jerk reactions involving profanity, which is violence. Profanity is way over used where one can use their intellect to describe any emotion.
Being a painter we don't use profanity as a matter of course to communicate emotion.
As an artist, I feel profanity is a simple way out of someone who lacks more creative abilities to reach communication of emotion.
And I am NOT a Polly Anna myself.. I worked in the criminal justice system for years and it two years to get profanity out of my vocabulary...and I was a better and more intelligent and talented person for getting rid of profanity out of my vocabulary.
Tough and bravery does not mean violent or violence in words like profanity. Brave does not mean potty mouth, more often it means lack of intelligence and bikers are not stupid .
By the same token there is a balance...reality versus promoting an ideology of language. Children love Harry Potter as well as Lemony Snickett.. I love it.... how much profanity are in those films and it had violence and villians.
Just some thoughts.
Dr. Stan - the man you encountered in the hall at APA, resulting in purchasing your book.
As a potty-mouth myself (my family has elevated sarcasm and profanity to high arts at family gatherings while playing cards and joking around), my kids have heard the best and most creative use of "blue language" around. Even so, my boys still gasp at the use of "bloody hell" in Harry Potter books and movies. Sweet kids, still. So, now that I know there is an alternative that I can pass on to my son (and suggest to his teachers - I'll hand my hardcover on to our therapist - she'll appreciate it un-scrubbed), I will get the paperback as soon as possible. I've already read him most of the first two chapters and he giggled at recognizing himself in your descriptions.
Normally, the creative in me would say that you should never change your creation to please anyone, however, it is YOUR creation and you should change it anyway that makes you feel comfortable. That you thought about the young audience that will benefit from your story says so much about your character and that being Aspergian IS better than "normal".
Many thank,
Melly
That would be "Many THANKS"
Melly