Discrimination
The continuing discussion about my thoughts on
discrimination and accommodation got me to thinking . . .
I am absolutely in favor of laws that make it illegal to
fire people for being gay, Jewish, black, or anything else except
incompetent. That’s discrimination, and
it’s wrong.
I do my best to live that way, myself. That means I do my best to treat every person
who walks in the door of my company the same way, regardless of race, religion,
sexual orientation, or whatever. I
really don’t care about those things. If
someone is nice, I try to be nice. If
they are nasty, I throw them out.
I suspect my own Asperger’s makes me oblivious to many of
the differences in people that are allegedly the basis for discrimination
elsewhere. Therefore it would be more
accurate to say I have no idea if a person is gay or straight (unless they say
so) than it would be to say I treated them the same because they were one way
or the other. However, I don’t know if I
would be any different even if I knew.
The differences ethnic/racial/sexual differences others may remark on
generally do not matter much to me.
But that’s just me. I
think other people have a right to their opinions, even if I disagree with
them.
For example, I also believe in an employer’s right to let
someone go if he does not fit in with that person’s team. That, to me, is the essence of what we call
employment at will, a management tenant which prevails in the USA. In a small group, everyone has to fit
together, and you inevitably have situations where one person does not fit,
even though they may be technically competent.
I don’t think it’s wrong to let someone go, in that
circumstance. My company is small, with
a dozen employees. One person with a bad
attitude can drag everyone down in a little place, and I think it’s wrong to
force us to tolerate the person.
So what if the reason the person doesn’t fit is that they
have autism? That makes it a hard
question. I don’t know if a blanket
answer for that circumstance exists, at least for me.
Being a large white heterosexual male, I am (at least superficially) one of the least
likely sorts to suffer discrimination.
The only time I really felt discriminated against was when I worked
briefly in a Japanese-run company, where it was made abundantly clear that
people like me were lesser animals.
Finding that attitude among engineers was shocking at the time, but I
know many other folks experience the same thing every day.
So what did I do? I
left.
Could I have been discriminated against because my Asperger's caused me to act in unexpected ways, and I was therefore excluded from a group I might otherwise have been welcomed into? Sure, that has undoubtedly happened, but I would not necessarily even know. If they didn't want me, that is enough for me. I don't want to be there either. I am very sensitive to that.
Could I have been discriminated against because my Asperger's caused me to act in unexpected ways, and I was therefore excluded from a group I might otherwise have been welcomed into? Sure, that has undoubtedly happened, but I would not necessarily even know. If they didn't want me, that is enough for me. I don't want to be there either. I am very sensitive to that.
As much as I favor laws against discrimination, I am
realistic enough to know laws don’t change how people feel. If my co-workers don’t like me for some
reason, I have never been inclined to force my fit in an organization. I don’t want to be where I am not wanted.
I feel like fighting discrimination often places the fighter
in the role of being a victim. That is
the essence of the thing . . . someone done me wrong, and I want to change the
world so they cannot do it again. In
that role, one is powerless, and hoping to gain power. While discrimination fighters have accomplished
great things, I feel like I want to act in a more immediately positive way in
my own life. That means I support the
fight against discrimination but I choose a path where I am accepted, because
that make me feel ok right now.
In my world view, when someone does me wrong, I change the
circumstances of my life so they cannot do it again. My focus is on me, and what I can change in
myself or my life circumstances. Those
are the only things really under my control
When I express this view, some autistic people say it’s easy
for me, because I have always been able to find work. That’s true.
I am lucky that way. What do I say
to someone who stays in a job where they are disliked for being who they are,
yet they are terrified they cannot find another job?
I don’t know what to say to that. I have always been so stubborn that I have
not been able to stay. Even when I had
no place to land, I always jumped. I did
that in music, cars, electronics jobs, and even publishing. It’s always worked. By worked, I mean I have always been able to
find a new and better direction.
One consequence of my recent essays is that I’ve been
criticized for suggesting that people in a minority group (like autistics, 1%
of the population) are more likely to achieve success in nypical society if
they make certain changes to fit in.
I think I’ve made it clear how we may change to fit in while
still being true to ourselves and out values.
That does not mean I think society should not be more
accepting. Of course I favor greater
acceptance. I’m just trying to be
realistic. I can’t make other people
change. I can only change myself. So that’s what I advocate.
I’d be interested in other views on this.
Comments
This comes as a surprise to me. My husband has AS and has been discriminated against as long as I have known him. And because I am married to him, I am discriminated against too. Friends have abandoned us. Neighbors avoid or snub us. And since he has no "gaydar", he has also been accused of being gay for hanging out with the gay men down the street. People are uncomfortable around him and therefore don't want to be around him.
Since there are no laws for discrimination outside of employment such as in real life, I see this as a real problem.
Have you experienced this kind of discrimination? And how do you deal with it?
In my own experience, I have not experienced what I would call discrimination. I have not been fired because I am an Aspie. I have been fired because my (unknown at the time) Asperger's made me incapable of keeping up with what turned out to have been a horrible darwinian hothouse of politics, backstabbing, paranoia and blame culture. In retrospect, I was far, far better off a long way away from that place, and accellerating. But at the time, I didn't know better than to accept it. I didn't know that this wasn't normal. I had no way, at the time, of stepping back and being able to tell the difference between my struggling from being trapped in a toxic stew of a workplace, and my struggling because I simply wasn't a competent functioning human being. No-one else seemed to be having difficulties, so by logical extension, the fault was mine.
Which sapped at my self-confidence, so that I couldn't bring myself to leave: if I sucked so hard at this job, why would I not suck at the next one, and not have such lovingkindness and patience bestowed upon me?
And that's been the pattern since. When I'm functioning, when I'm able to cope and have a little capacity to spare, then things are going so well, relative to at the other side of the depressive cycle, that it doesn't seem to bad: everything might just work out. But when I'm depressed, and anxious, and stressed, and overloaded, and just not coping, then I can't bear the thought of the added stress of moving job and changing circumstance.
As it is, I've been lucky. I fell into a job which has given me friends, mentors and support, and after several years, they helped me get a secondment and a kick up the career ladder.
I'm a sysad, which is seems a perfect job for an Aspie: most of my interaction is with machines, and when I get pedantic with users, it's for a point. I am expected to be at least a little bit Aspie, and some of the better traits are deliberately emulated by the better NT sysads, here and all around the net. (Pedantry, focus, deep study, that sort of thing.)
cont ...
And yet... I work in a cube farm. There is lots of action behind me where I can't see, which makes me nervous. The lights are bright, which makes me feel exposed and make me squint all day. Those who surround me are loud, chatty, people-people.
I, and many in my team, don't socialise with the rest of these people much. And we can get away with it because we have that reputation, and we have earned that right.
But what of the situation where the social demands aren't reasonable, and aren't negotiable? It's not that you don't socialise with the guys at all, but that you can't bear eating lunch with them every day, don't want to go to the pub after work, don't see the point in going to their family barbecues on the weekend. It's not that you're not friendly, but that they've set the bar really high, until the effort of being that sociable all the time is exhausting.
Personally, while you're right about our not being able to get special dispensation for being jerks (and nor should we, either -- as I like to say, my Asperger's is an explanation, not an excuse), surely there is a case that we could plead for some accommodation. Not a license to be an unpleasant bastard, but a reason to go to lunch with them only once a week, instead of every day, to have the lights turned down in your corner of the office if it's possible (which for me it is, alas, not really).
It's not as severe a need as for a wheelchair ramp, and partially for that reason we're less likely to get it: it's not as clearly obvious a need. Partially also, our very AS gets in the way of getting this accommodation: social anxiety gets in the way of asking in the first place, and the usual social deficits get in the way of being effectively political/diplomatic in the process. Not all of us can be lucky enough to have helpful advocates in our bosses.
Any individual needs to adjust to their surroundings regardless of any inherent limitation. Common sense should prevail and society should just ensure that additional obstacles are not established to make it harder for any individual to fit in.
As to employers having to employ jerks or disruptive people they are not. If a non disabled person isn't fitting in you let him go, same with a disabled. Now some disabled people may try and make an issue out of it. In reality it is VERY few who do even if the discrimination is blatant. Some say they will in a fit of temper but decide not to later.
No matter your disability you can be fired if you do not suit the employers needs. Better yet just take care in hiring.
One of the problems is that a employee who was seen as a good employee comes to his boss and says I have Aspergers I need an accommodation. The boss now see the employee as a trouble making disabled person and fires him or her. That is discrimination. The silly part is that if the employer would reserve judgment he /she usually finds out that the Aspergers is more of an asset than a disability. Then they look for Aspergers people to hire for their non social jobs.
Most of the problem with hiring Aspergers people is the fact that once they think you are in any way different they won't try you out. I think a try out period is the norm in most jobs. I would work as a volunteer but even that idea makes me look odd and discourages them from hiring me.
Did you know that if a blind person uses a guide dog and that dog bites someone it is OK to refuse that person service when they are in the company of that dog? The laws are not so extreme as you think they are to employers. Perhaps the real problem is ignorance on the part of both employers and employees. Ignorance can be fixed if we are all willing.
Personally I would want to get rid of discrimination laws as applied to private businesses. One of my reasons is that I recognize that in practice those laws will never be applied to protect me. I therefore do not want to be in a situation where I could be harmed by these laws. Let us make it an even playing field for all minorities, blacks, gays and autistics.
i don't know what one would call that, in order to warrant legal restrictions. auto-descrimination? i'll contact my state representative, give it a test run.
I have the ability to sense what others are feeling and unfortunately I am a nice person who will try and make others feel better, if possible.
Believe me...I've gotten into so much trouble just being myself. I've been told I must change and that this ability that is my nature must be suppressed. If that discrimination? It is to me!
I hope you are just busy catching up with your RL (real life)
May i ponder why there are so many angry responses. I believe ( and perhaps i am putting my feelings on others but i am not sure) that many of us view work as a salve to the soul and in many ways and answer to many of our problems. To NTs it is something you do. To Aspies it is structure, money, exploration, a chance to really get into our skills and interest and actually get paid for improving ourselves.
I go to a place called Clubhouse for people with psych disabilities ( this scares people off because the media has portrayed mentally ill as gun toting fools which is 180 degrees from true in my experience) it is meant to take people back into the mainstream after and episode of mental illness as they have problems with reintegration and many times end up living on disability all their days which no one wants but until Clubhouse everyone seemed to do.
Yesterday I was madly working at a small task which, as usual i accomplished in record time with better than hoped for style and the director came and thanked me. I said something about wishing i could get paid for it and he asked me if i wanted a job. I said yes (that is one of the main things Clubhouse does - find jobs for their members) He said to give him a year and he would do it. I suspect he needed a year because finding a suitable job is so hard with an Aspie. And that is part of the reason we can't find employment. I rather wish there was a Clubhouse for Aspies. It is hard to find an employment agency that places Aspies who are just entering the workforce. It plays to our weak suites in the extreme.
I am almost done with your latest read I was interrupted by books from the library (reserved) but i will soon return to it for the blazing conclusion
Bless you for doing this blog. I miss your wisdom.
I think People are a lot more accepting than many of you might think. Most times when you are invited to an outing, it is not to torture you, it is because if they invite everyone but you that would be extremely hurtful. It would be great if you could find one trustworthy person to be the buffer for you. Mostly people just want to know that you are not hostile, and if you say nothing or do not participate, it can be interpreted that way.
Companies have different cultures. It's common nowadays for people to seek out a company based on its culture. I know, one more thing to have to navigate as if it isn't hard enough to find a job in the first place!
I tracked down your blog because I read your book, and want to talk with you about how to reach and help people on the Spectrum who are not so funny and talented as you.
You are already helping by taking AS out of the closet, but I can see from your posting that you are still struggling personally with the characteristics of the
Spectrum..."My focus is on me..." That idea won support in Alcoholics Anonymous, but I am not sure it's appropriate as a mantra for Aspies. This is, after all, why we suffer in the world of NT's.
I believe I was born (like all of us) at a certain segment of the Spectrum, and slowly fought my way upstream, as it were, with the patient help of friends, especially women, who told me carefully, for example," When someone says to you:'How are you?' after you answer, it is appropriate to say, 'How are YOU?'"
Learning this way is called, I believe, "compensation." We all can do it. I am still, needless to say, a work in progress.
When I learned that what was making me suffer had a name,(when I was in my 50's, about 10 years ago), I set to work, like a good compulsive, finding out as much as I could. There was very little back then. The info has exploded, now, and your input has been great.
I have done some writing on this, an essay called "The Wholespectrum."
I don't believe the discrimination by NT's against us can be settled by law. It must be a long process of consciousness-raising...on both ends of the Wholespectrum.
Bill S