Asperger support groups and a special bonus feature: turtle management

This afternoon I went to a meeting of the Asperger’s Association of New England. I’d looked at joining a while back, knowing they sponsored various activities, but I didn’t take them up on it till now.

I was anxious going in, because my parents had put me in “support groups” and “discussion groups” as a teenager, and they didn’t accomplish much. However, this group was different. I went to a grownup meeting, with me, a young married Aspergian couple, three guys ranging in age from 20 to 60, and a facilitator.

I enjoyed it a lot.

We all introduced ourselves and talked about what we did, and my book proved an interesting topic of conversation, along with one fellow starting a new job, and another fellow talking about shyness, something I’d experienced when I was his age.

I was surprised to see a myself reflected in most of the younger attendees. One had my awkwardness and my “geek” love of computers. Another talked about his awkwardness at job interviews, and I could just see myself fumbling my interviews at Milton Bradley and Simplex, thirty years before.

There was an older fellow there too – it’s always comforting to have someone older than me around – who had retired from a career on Wall Street. In him, I saw the intense focus that helped make me successful.

I also saw something of the struggle we all have, getting by every day. But any mom with a young Aspergian child would surely have found the whole bunch of us inspiring, because we’re all making it on our own, at various levels and in different ways. That was very encouraging. The mood at the meeting was upbeat. There was popcorn, too. And it was free.

In short, I saw something of myself in every Aspergian there. I wonder what they saw in me, especially the younger Aspergians. What would I have made of a middle-aged Aspergian when I was 21, I wondered? Just another old geek, most likely. Could the younger people know how similar I was to them, when I was their age? It certainly brought back memories, hearing their stories. I learned "what I learned" and some new things, too. And I hope I was an inspiration of sorts to them.

These meetings are an excellent idea for grown Aspergians, and I commend the society for thinking them up, if indeed they did think them up. And even if they didn't, they're still worthwhile. I’ll be attending the next meeting on the 25th, and I'm bringing my friend Bob, a fellow engineer and geek that you'll meet in my book.

Now, for the tip of the day: What to do when snapping turtles come calling

Many Americans live in tightly packed housing in cities. If you are one of those people, the following turtle tip will not be useful, but check back for next week's tip – removing large snakes from apartment ventilation systems. I know - you say it can't happen to you - but it does, every day, somewhere in America. And for the rest of you . . Those who live in homes with yards may one day look out to find the lawn covered or at least spotted with turtles

When that happens, prompt and decisive action is needed.

There are many theories regarding the best way to remove a snapping turtle from a lawn. Some say, “Dangle an ax handle in front of its nose and carry it out when it latches on.” Others say, “Jab it in the ass with the ax handle and get it moving the direction you want it to go.” And the real connoisseurs say, “Time for turtle soup.” Those are the ones the turtles fear, and with good reason. The ones who approach smiling, in puffy white hats, and with white coats.

Personally, I have not found turtles to either bite on command or move in the direction indicated by my jabs. And the local turtles are tough eating. Also, they can chew hell out of the ax handle, rendering it dangerous and splintery for subsequent wood cutting.

I have found that the easiest answer to turtle infestation is a snow shovel. A shovel can be slipped under all but the biggest snappers with a minimum of difficulty, and the turtle can be relocated with ease. And unlike snakes, agressive turtles cannot climb the handle to bite you. Any turtle that tries will find himself on his back, on the ground, waiting for the shovel or the stewpot.

Cubby pointed out that many people with serious turtle problems will want to know if the same turtles return again or if new turtles keep appearing. To find that out, simply tag each turtle you relocate with a distinct pattern of paint dots. My turtles are all blue dot, so you’ll know them if they appear in your lawn. May I suggest yellow or red, with shape stencils, for your neighborhood.

Solve YOUR turtle problems now, while you still can.