I have a new recipe.
Long time followers of my blog may recall the Shrump Roast recipe sent to me by Gabriel Leder, a young Aspergian in Washington DC. If you don't remember, I have a link to refresh your memory:
I should tell you how these recipes came to pass. Last year, Gabriel's mother Lisa purchased my old Repugnatron. The Repugnatron was a device I made from an old garbage disposal and a converted microwave oven to create delectable food treats for my own Aspergian kid. He's older now, and prepares his own food, so the Repugnatron has lain unused for a few years.
The last time we ran it up here, we converted one of my old friend Road Kill Phil's flattened raccons into something very tasty with the color and texture of chocolate mousse. It's quite the machine, that Repugnatron.
She heard about it at an event last year, and to my surprise, made me an offer I could not refuse.
And that wasn't all. She wanted to buy my Ferguson Hair Counter, but I refused to sell that as it's the only one of Col. Ferguson's prototypes left in existance. Anyway, I sold her the Repugnatron, and she's used it on her kid ever since. He seems to be thriving, so there must be plenty of road kill and electricity where they live.
This is her kid's latest creation:
How to Make Bumble-Flump Salad
Step 1: Catch a handful of bumbly gnomes and herd them into a pot full of boiling hot pink and red striped prune juice.
Step 2: Stir your pot with your spare wooden leg until it turns green, purple, blue and black.
Step 3: Find the missing Florida votes from the 2000 election and toss them in the pot while you curse at a hypochondriac.
Step 4: After Pi hours the brew should have exploded, so you can now pick up the pieces, slice them thin and put them in a bowl.
Step 5: Now that you have the bumble of the bumble flump salad go back in time to the G. W. Bush years and spread the rumor to the prez that the flumperdink cabbages have WMD.
Step 6: Bush will then attack the flumperdinks with bombs, guns and tanks. After the flumperdinks are blown to bits, gather the fallen cabbages, chop them into a hash and launch them out of your nose and into the bowl you put the bumble into. You now are 2/3s done.
Step 7: Mix together the complete 1st season of the Simpsons, some fluoride toepaste and your in law's devil horns; stir with their pitchforks.
Step 8: Have the king of France banish the mixture to a blender with margarine so that it will taste of I can't believe it's not butter (for best results get it from Giant) and pour it over your bumble flump bowl.
Step 9: Slice a shrump roast over the bowl of bumble flump salad and then flambé it for 3.1456789 seconds.
Step 10: Feed it to your pet were-pig and then serve him to your dinner guests; they will never bother you again.
If you prepare this and eat it, it may give you immunity to Swine Flu.
And don't forget to come see me this week if you're in Colorado. This Thursday (May 7) I'll be speaking at the Champions for Children Luncheonat the Hyatt Regency Denver Tech Center, Grand Mesa Ballroom. The following day, I'll be speaking with the Project Spectrum Team - the people who brought you Google Sketchup - at Google's Boulder offices.
Stop by and say hi. There's no need to bring road kill, though. Lisa, Gabriel, and their Repugnatron will not be there.
Monday, May 4, 2009
I have a new recipe.
Posted by John Elder Robison at 8:06 PM