Meet the Queen of the Road

Have you ever sought out the services of a psychiatrist? If so, what were they like? If your experience was like the one my brother described in Running With Scissors, your shrink was a freak in a Santa suit with a goodie bag of pills. But if it was like my modern-day experience, your shrink was conservatively and properly dressed, polished, articulate, and inscrutable.

You may ask yourself, “What is she (the shrink) really like?”

Some of you may claim no personal experience with a shrink. But even you must have an idea what they’re like, from watching Dr. Melfi on The Sopranos.

You may even go so far as to muse, “Would she do something wild like that?” I will leave the definition of “something wild” to your imagination for the moment.

This afternoon, I read a book that answered some of those questions. The book is called Queen of the Road, and it’s by a real shrink named Doreen Orion. In the book and in real life, she has a mate named Tim who is also a psychiatrist. For Tim, being a shrink is not enough. He has dreams of becoming a Machine Aficionado, like me, even though he knows that doing so might change him forever.

In the beginning, we see Doreen as a sedentary and spoiled female with few if any practical skills beyond those required for acquiring and maintaining a medical license. She does not perform manual labor. She does not know how to operate heavy equipment. She does not design or even program computers. She does not own or covet exotic weapons. She has a dog, but it’s a housebound poodle. She does not have a passel of beagles under the porch. There are no old motor vehicles on blocks behind her house, and no farm machinery. She does not race bicycles or airplanes.

Queen of the Road tells how those lifestyle deficiencies began to affect her husband. Finally, he was seized with such a lust for powerful machinery that he bought a bus. A fairly large one; a Prevost for you bus lovers. Forty thousand pounds, with three axles and a large diesel engine. The nature of the engine is not clear from the book, but there are clues.

Doreen ponders the difference between a 6V92 diesel and an 8V92. Both are products of the Detroit Diesel Company. The 6 has six cylinders, the 8 has eight. 92 is the size of each cylinder, in cubic inches. It is evident when she writes this that her sheltered life is about to change.

He has lured her into the bus world, and they undertake to convert their bus into a motor home. Already, the conservative shrink facade is crumbling. Then . . . they quit work!

They move into the bus, and depart on a year of cross country travel. It’s the same scene I lived in the 1970s, without the drugs, guns, and loud music. Or maybe its not. But if they have drugs, guns, and loud music, they do not mention them here. Reading the story, you too will long for a bus unless you already have an abundance of machinery.

If you are a female, you will wish you had a mate like Tim to operate your bus. If you are a male, you will wish for two females like Doreen to accompany you. And the “two” is not my idea. It is hers, and she mentions it twice.

Together, Tim and Doreen experience many things together that I have also done:

They repair a broken bus by the roadside

They confront armed robbers

They travel the Alaska Highway

They visit the Cyclorama in Atlanta

They have trouble with the Law

Reading their story, I felt glad I had undertaken my wild times with a bus at age 20, and not at age 40. Her bus driver was a gentleman. My bus driver was a whiskey-crazed mad dog who drove an armored bulldozer in Viet Nam. Hopefully (because I remember my own times in a bus) our experiences differed in certain key ways.

There are elements of romance to the story, but I myself do not write romance and I am not qualified to report on it here. I will say there are indications throughout the book that Doreen likes her mate, and her mate likes her. I do not think either of them will be appearing on the True Crime TV shows anytime soon, but you never know.

On the cover, the bus is described as having a “mind of its own.” I’ve known a lot of buses in my time. One of our long time customers owned the Peter Pan Bus Company, one of the largest bus fleets in the United States. I’ve been in their bus garage more times than I can remember, and I’ve seen hundreds of buses up close, but I’ve never seen a sentient one. I believe that was an error or exaggeration, or perhaps literary license.

But they are close to Area 51 out there, so maybe her bus is Different.

At the end of the story, Tim and Doreen still like each other, and they remain married. It’s clear that they have both acquired many new skills and their view of the world has changed. At the end, Doreen remains a psychiatrist, but Tim’s future is less certain. I think both are happier. I plan to go to Boulder in March, where I will examine them in person and report back.

They may regret that, because my knowledge of machines extends far beyond buses. And Doreen and Tim are already on a slippery slope that’s covered in diesel oil. And I know where it leads. I myself have a house whose driveway can accomodate the largest buses. My garages can hold seven cars and two motorcycles. And I have many pieces of Diesel Machinery here on the property, including a Front End Loader. Anyone who likes buses will also like a Loader.

You will never look at a psychiatrist the same way again. And you will never take a bus driver for granted, either.

Her book is coming out this June. Here’s a link to it:
http://www.amazon.com/Queen-Road-States-Poodle-Husband/dp/0767928539/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1201917680&sr=8-1

Here is her blog
http://www.doreenorion.com/blog/