And now, some questions from the audience
I’ve been running as fast as I can, from one appearance to another, but despite my best efforts I have yet to meet most of you in person. Whenever I do a reading, I take questions from the audience, and the crowds invariably raise thought-provoking issues. Here are a few. I’ll put up more in a subsequent post. Feel free to add questions or comments of your own.
Question: Why do you think kids and teenagers with Asperger’s are often depressed?
Answer: I think we have to distinguish real clinical depression, where everything is right with the world and yet the person is so depressed they can’t get out of bed, from sadness that’s a result of life events.
Many autistic and Aspergian young people are just treated deplorably by their peers, and even by grownups. If someone called you “retard” or “meathead” every day, don’t you think you’d maybe start feeling a little bit down too? “Depression” in young Aspergians is often a direct result of the way society treats kids who are “different” and it’s something we should all be aware of in our own day-to-day lives.
Question: Are kids with Asperger’s often violent?
Answer: As I said in response to the previous question, young Aspergians are often treated terribly because the “act funny.” Some take the teasing and soldier on. Others turn inward, and withdraw from contact with other humans. Others take all they can, and lash out.
I myself have never been violent.
The vast majority of Aspergians I’ve met are shy and gentle by nature. Those that do last out deserve understanding, because it’s often their peers who set the situation up with persistent teasing and bullying. This is something for parents and teachers to watch very closely.
Question: Is there an Asperger’s or autism epidemic?
Answer: The word “epidemic” implies that people “catch” autism. I don’t believe that happens. I believe I was born the way I am, and my belief is supported by observation of my parents, my son, and genealogical research.
There is certainly a surge in autism/Asperger cases, but some of that surge is due to changes in diagnostic criteria (I’m an example of that) while other cases may result from newly emergent causes.
One possible (and controversial) emergent cause is chemical poisoning. Mercury in vaccine and lead paint are suggested as causes of autism in children, but the range of possible chemical contaminants is almost limitless. I firmly believe that we as a society do not understand the overall impact of the chemicals our industrial society puts into our food, in our air, and in our water.
There are so many examples of “good chemicals” going bad, how could a responsible person think otherwise. DDT . . . PCBs . . . asbestos . . .lead paint. Do some of today’s chemicals combine and act to cause brain damage that’s diagnosed as autism? Who can say? It certainly sounds possible. But I don’t have the knowledge to know where to look for specific causative agents.
Question: If you could take a pill to make the Asperger’s go away, would you do it?
Answer: No. Medication would dull my spark, and don’t want that. I’ll take the lows in order to enjoy the highs. I myself do not want any “treatment” via medication. That said, I recognize the enormous value of insight into my own mind (which led to my book) and I recognize other people may make different and valid choices in their own lives. For example, I am aware that many people feel a need for antidepressants or medicine to calm panic attacks. While I don’t want those things myself I am not critical of those who do.
I strongly believe that insight into our own minds is one of the best tools for any reasonably functional person on the spectrum (or anywhere else, for that matter.) I believe that to be true whether or not a person chooses medication or other treatment. Knowledge is always power, in our own lives and elsewhere. For many people, the advice, “work to make your life better” is a good alternative to, :take a pill.” It’s the route I’ve always chosen.
Question: Why do you think kids and teenagers with Asperger’s are often depressed?
Answer: I think we have to distinguish real clinical depression, where everything is right with the world and yet the person is so depressed they can’t get out of bed, from sadness that’s a result of life events.
Many autistic and Aspergian young people are just treated deplorably by their peers, and even by grownups. If someone called you “retard” or “meathead” every day, don’t you think you’d maybe start feeling a little bit down too? “Depression” in young Aspergians is often a direct result of the way society treats kids who are “different” and it’s something we should all be aware of in our own day-to-day lives.
Question: Are kids with Asperger’s often violent?
Answer: As I said in response to the previous question, young Aspergians are often treated terribly because the “act funny.” Some take the teasing and soldier on. Others turn inward, and withdraw from contact with other humans. Others take all they can, and lash out.
I myself have never been violent.
The vast majority of Aspergians I’ve met are shy and gentle by nature. Those that do last out deserve understanding, because it’s often their peers who set the situation up with persistent teasing and bullying. This is something for parents and teachers to watch very closely.
Question: Is there an Asperger’s or autism epidemic?
Answer: The word “epidemic” implies that people “catch” autism. I don’t believe that happens. I believe I was born the way I am, and my belief is supported by observation of my parents, my son, and genealogical research.
There is certainly a surge in autism/Asperger cases, but some of that surge is due to changes in diagnostic criteria (I’m an example of that) while other cases may result from newly emergent causes.
One possible (and controversial) emergent cause is chemical poisoning. Mercury in vaccine and lead paint are suggested as causes of autism in children, but the range of possible chemical contaminants is almost limitless. I firmly believe that we as a society do not understand the overall impact of the chemicals our industrial society puts into our food, in our air, and in our water.
There are so many examples of “good chemicals” going bad, how could a responsible person think otherwise. DDT . . . PCBs . . . asbestos . . .lead paint. Do some of today’s chemicals combine and act to cause brain damage that’s diagnosed as autism? Who can say? It certainly sounds possible. But I don’t have the knowledge to know where to look for specific causative agents.
Question: If you could take a pill to make the Asperger’s go away, would you do it?
Answer: No. Medication would dull my spark, and don’t want that. I’ll take the lows in order to enjoy the highs. I myself do not want any “treatment” via medication. That said, I recognize the enormous value of insight into my own mind (which led to my book) and I recognize other people may make different and valid choices in their own lives. For example, I am aware that many people feel a need for antidepressants or medicine to calm panic attacks. While I don’t want those things myself I am not critical of those who do.
I strongly believe that insight into our own minds is one of the best tools for any reasonably functional person on the spectrum (or anywhere else, for that matter.) I believe that to be true whether or not a person chooses medication or other treatment. Knowledge is always power, in our own lives and elsewhere. For many people, the advice, “work to make your life better” is a good alternative to, :take a pill.” It’s the route I’ve always chosen.
Comments
But I also think that those same people may always have social quirks even if the more "sensory" issues can be avoided by avoiding those chemicals. It is just different pieces of the ASD profile.
Interesting that some people pop pills to treat "symptoms," but then dismiss the idea of diet (or vaccines, or environmental toxins) playing a role - if someone thinks a chemical can "help" then doesn't it follow that chemicals can also "hurt?"
It is all so complex! But without complex people, the world would be quite boring.
These are insightful questions.
Thanks john.
From your preceding post: Who would ever have guessed that there’d be such a huge demand for a story like this?
The enormous success of your book is no surprise. But what a wild ride! You must feel like you've been rocketed into outer space. Thanks for keeping in contact with the rest of us.
I'm so happy for you and so glad the book is a success. And I especially admire the fact that the book is changing the way many people will interact with people who have Aspergers... I hope you are very proud of the impact you're having.
Karianna, you may well be right about chemical susceptibility. I don't know much chemistry at all. Just electronics and mechanical systems.
Tena, it's good to see you made it back from South America. Did you get my book yet?
I just finished your book this week. Bravo! Love it.
I wanted to pose this question to you as I know you have an interest in reaching educators.
Do you think it's better to have young elementary aged Asperger children in regular classrooms with typical peers (as long as the teacher is aware of differences and bullying is not tolerated); or do you think it would be better for Asperger children to be grouped together in a self contained classroom; much like they have gifted classrooms with like minded peers. There are actually "Twice Exceptional" classrooms where children who have been identified as gifted plus a disability are grouped together and have a different curriculum; and as a result have less "typical" peer interaction.
Also, a lot of people Homeschool their Aspergers children. In the long run, isn't typical peer interaction necessary to learn from?
I know it's a big question, but I'd love to hear your input.
I used meditation to heal from depression...chemicals aren't a solution for depression anymore than they would be for Aspergers. I think that cultivating awareness of ourselves, especially our limitations, is what makes the difference.
I agree with not wanting to lose your spark. One reason why I was so unwilling to take antidepressants was because when I wasn't depressed I used to fly into serious inspiration and insights. Also I think a little acceptance will go a long way.
Jon is Jon and it is that for which we love him.
I don't believe chemicals from the environment cause autism. I am very cautious about the idea that the effects of supposed brain damage can (with our current state of knowledge) be confidently distinguished from "idiopathic" or "pure" or inherited autism/AS.
Consider this case: a child who has always displayed sensory hypersensitivity, even as an infant, who has been strongly left-handed from infancy too, who seemed to be slow to develop some gross motor skills, but learned to sit up early due to a stiffness of posture, who has always been clumsy and a dead loss at sport, who often reversed letters or whole words in their early school years, and apparently has more than one form of the neurological condition synaesthesia. The child also pronounces some words a bit oddly, and it has nothing to do with any regional accent. Sounds like this kid's brain was wired up by an apprentice electrician? I guess soome people may wonder if these characteristics are the result of brain damage, but how could brain damage result in this child having such a high IQ score?
My point is that we are contantly discovering bad side effects that our modern chemicals have on humans.
Since some of those bad effects include brain damage, it stands to reason that some autism diagnoses may be a result of that.
There is no way to know but with the profusion of chemicals in our society . . . I can't see how it might be otherwise.
Hola, John! Yes I'm back and happily so. Your book just arrived and it is beautiful. I will have to pry it out of my husband's hands to read.
He has a question for you. The Packard needs to be repainted. The lacquer is cracked. He's gotten heart-stopping estimates from various body shops. Any hints on whom to choose? We know it's not always about the cost.
$10,000 strip and paint
$10,000 repair concealed body damage
$10,000 replate and fix chrome and brightwork
$10,000 replacement rubber strips, mirrors, and other small parts, and repair/restoration of inner wheel wells and other "undercar" areas that will be visible from beside the vehicle
$10,000 restore engine compartment
Your husband is welcome to write me. Restoration costs on older cars can be very very high. Painting often leads to other work, and $50-100k totals are not out of line.
In our school system, Aspergians go in the enrichment classes, unless their behaviors are too destructive or distractive to their classmates. The enrichment classes are 80 minutes a school day, five days a week. Otherwise, the enrichment kids are in regular classes, so they have lots of opportunities to socialize with all kinds of kids. It was important to hubby and me that our sons not be segregated from the general student population, because they need to learn to get along with the general population in the real world. (What is school and parenting, if not to prepare them for later getting along in the real world?) If the enrichment program had required segregation, we would have chosen to not route them into the enrichment program.
The way other students see "different" kids can have a huge impact on development, as well as how different kids see themselves. If we segregate gifted kids, their peers are more likely to see them as not fitting in. The snowballing social ramifications could have lifelong effects.
Your question has me wondering: What DOES happen to those kids who are Aspergian and also have severe behavioral problems? Where are they placed? I'll have to ask. Hopefully they are correctly diagnosed. Back in my day, my Aspergian family member was just considered retarded. Even though it was clear that he was brilliant, adults had a very hard time getting past his obnoxious behaviors. And of course, AS had not yet been recognized as a diagnosable condition.
Here is my main question at this point. I have been vwery adamant about not allowing video games in the house. I have this fear that once my son gets hooked on them, he will disappear into his own little world and never return to me. But after reading your book, I wonder if I am doing him a disservice. I don't want to keep him form the very things that may become his means to becoming succesful or gaining confidence. He could easily be the next wiz at designing computer programs or games etc...Is it a bad thing that I am keeping him from this? I would just love to hear you imput.
I also want to thank you do much for the capter titles "logic vs. small talk." It gave me such a new ay to look at my son and why he communicates the way he does..."woof!"
Just started reading your book (between breastfeeding sessions; baby is keeping me busy) and LOVING it!
He will. Thanks so much for your help! He says the info you gave is was exactly what he needed.
Woof!
Woof! backatcha.
But my favorite dog movie of all time . . . Best in Show.
My feeling is that the games don't teach much of value and many are violent.
If you want to teach him useful skills in front of a screen, buy a computer and let him learn to program it and write his own games.
And if he tires of that the computer has 1,000 other uses.
I actually disagree with John on this point. Video games are increasingly social, and international.
While I'm not a video game expert, Microsoft's latest offering, Halo 3, can be played with up to 16 players. There are other titles in the "MMORPG" category that aren't as violent. These types of games can be a good way for a person with ASD to practice socializing with others and even make friends.
Violent games should, in my opinion, be monitored for age appropriateness, and balanced with games like Katamari Damacy, The Sims 2 or MySims, and Super Mario Galaxy.
John is correct, though, that computers have many different uses, too, such as looking things up on Wikipedia. ;)
Judy
Thank you, again, and you deserve every success.
John, I am merely the bearer of information.
But my favorite dog movie of all time . . . Best in Show.
Absolutely LOVED it.
I may or may not consult a doctor for official diagnosis. At 50, I yam what I yam. I doubt they can do as much for me as I can do for myself with this knowledge.
Thank you so much for writing this book, it's helped more than you could ever know. Or maybe you do!
I don't know if a diagnosis matters for people our age (I'm 50 also) All that really matters is learning from the stories and making our lives better, and I suspect many of us can do that just fine with knowledge. Labels are not knowledge, and in some cases, they may even hold us middle aged Aspergians back.
My first question is to ask how you might suggest I get my husband to meet someone like TR. As you said for those "over 50" the label doesn’t matter but how his condition effects me and our family does. And my second question regards the amount of time you said it took to write the book. How many pages did you write a day, did someone read things as you wrote them out? By outlines, by pages, by chapters?
I think you are going to be soon overwhelmed with the popularity of your book and how many people it will touch (if you haven’t already). And how many like me will be seeking you out for advise. Make sure you speak with someone about how to cope with the surge of popularity. It will probably become a more than full time job for both you and your spouse and sons.
I will now go and hand sell your book to every single person that comes into my Barnes and Noble. (I teach by day , bookseller by night :) Oh, and I drive a 1987 Mercury Grand Marquis Wagon that my husband has kept running since it was new…
I recognize there is controversy over causes of more severe autism, bit I think most people like me (fairly high functioning Aspergians) are born this way and the traits are visible in our ancestral lines and in our kids. Some generations will be more concentrated than others.
In fact, since learning about Asperger's, my circle of friends has broadened considerably and life is generally a lot better, for both of us.
Your comments about marriage being sad and lonely and Aspergians hurting others in their lives could well be applied within any marriage. I don't think we are "worse" as a group, but that's just my opinion.
Many of us are smart, even tempered, gentle, logical, reliable, safe, good mates.
Those traits are generally applicable to high functioning Aspergians.
As to how you might meet someone like TR . . . write him and ask! Look for his address in the back of my book.
People with his level of insight are rare. Have you given my book to your husband? Try that, and talk about it. Maybe he'll see himself and that will open the topic up for discussion.
Now, about the book writing . . . I wrote in fits and starts beginning in February 2006. I wrote the first draft by July, then took a month off and rewrote it again for Thanksgiving.
Then I showed it to my agent and there was a round of "polishing" at which point I showed it to the publisher following the holidays. (Another 2 month break)
That takes us to late January 2007. Editing for publication took 3 months, and the rest of the time was consumed by various book production tasks.
I certainly appreciate your telling anyone about my book, and I hope my answers proved useful.
The fact that you wrote this fabulous first book in a year is incredible.
And one last thing, you have introduced me to blogging. I have never done it before. It’s FUN! Thank you
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your book and thank you for writing it. I have an 11 yr old son with Aspergers. Your perspective is very helpful and it was nice to read a book that addresses Aspergers as you do--as a way of life instead of as a "Syndrome" that needs to be cured.
In my experiences with my son so far (it's been less than a year since we've had his diagnosis), his struggles come mainly from the fact that he doesn't easily fit into the "box" that our society and school system seem to require for their measures of success. We are fortunate that our son has friends, is intelligent and gets by pretty well at school. He sometimes works so hard at fitting in socially that he really doesn't have much energy left for school work but because he is very bright he still manages to get above-average grades. We still deal with some kind of behavioral issue on a weekly basis at school but as John mentioned in one of his posts, they almost always stem from a social situation that my son does not understand--not just a penchant for misbehaving. Thankfully, our son is not violent (due to his own rules of no hitting or swearing) but I can see where Aspergian kids could easily be pushed to the point of lashing out physically.
I was encouraged by the comments in your book about your own social development. The logical thinking explanation was great and I've often thought that my son has more common sense that most adults but it's not really an asset when dealing with other 11 year old boys. I look forward to reading about your opinions on issues related to school and social development for young Aspergians.
To the other Moms that are posting with their concerns... We enrolled our son in a martial arts (taekwondo) program about two years ago before we knew about the Aspergers. He had occupational therapy for about a year which helped him with some motor and sensitivity issues but the Taekwondo program has had a greater impact on his life than all of the therapy and other things we have tried so far. It has improved his coordination, taught him self control, increased his self-confidence and taught him many necessary social rules. It's an individual sport but it is taught and practiced as a group so he's making new friends. He's come so far with his coordination and confidence that he is playing a team sport for the first time this year and actually enjoying himself!
Thanks again, John!
Knowing what you know now, do you think it is essential to teach young Aspergerians (3-6 years old for example) how to look people in the eye?
I have a 6yr old. We have done some wonderful therapies, one of which included doing some fun things with promoting eye contact including staring contests. I also do a thing with my son where I pretend to have an electrical connection when we make eye contact. I also show him how annoying it is when someone you are talking to won't look at you: he was trying to tell me something and I purposely wouldn't look at him. It drove him crazy (but it was not done in a mean way, but a fun giggling way === but I wanted to make the point of how it felt to not have me look at him when he was trying to tell me something). Anyway, I feel these kinds of games are very helpful. They are not shameful or anything like that.
Would these kinds of things have helped you as a child? I think if parents of Aspergers children just used common sense in dealing with "behavior" problems or differences, the results would be better. I have found there is no "magic" therapy except using reason and logic, and making it fun.
What troubles specifically did Cubby have that you recognized, and how were you able to teach him a replacement behavior, or whatever, to help him with some of the trouble areas of Aspergers to make him so successful today?
Us Moms are particularly interested in just knowing basic, simple ways we can help young Aspergians get over some social hurdles. I do believe making eye contact is essential, because like 90% of communication is nonverbal, and they miss out on certain social cues that lead to the misunderstandings and hurt feelings, or missed opportunities. So, don't you think overcoming the eye contact
"problem" early is essential? Or, is it your opinion that we just need to accept that our children are going to have trouble with eye contact and not do anything to help them improve in this area?
Remembering that it is a fine line between forcing someone to do something they cannot do, to being proactive about helping them. Know what I mean?
Thanks :)
I have to go now to do a reading but I'll try and return to this
Thank you for even responding at all, considering how busy you are.
I'm sorry for asking so many questions but it's like having my own personal Parenting Coach! Just kidding. Thanks again, I do appreciate your input, as I'm sure everyone does here. It means a lot to us to be able to pick your brain; it's not easy to get this kind of information from books, support groups, etc. Thank you so much.
Oh well, at least I can order the book here in Ireland... and I cannot wait to read it.
All the best.
Doodle